Feeling like you and your partner are speaking different languages? You argue about small things that blow up into major conflicts, leaving you both exhausted and misunderstood. The real issue often isn't a lack of love—it's a gap in your core priorities.

This page will help you understand:

• What the Total Difference Score (TDS) is and how it measures priority alignment.
• How to interpret your score using the Couples Compatibility Continuum.
• Actionable steps to turn your score into a tool for growth and connection.

What is a TDS Score?

What Does a High TDS Score Mean for a Couple?

A high TDS score (typically 30 and above) isn't a judgment on your relationship's viability; it's an indicator of significant misalignment in your underlying priorities. It means you and your partner have different internal "maps" of what is most important, which often leads to friction, misunderstanding, and conflict in daily life. You might find yourselves arguing about money, free time, or career choices, but the root cause is a deeper difference in what you each fundamentally value, such as Financial Security versus Personal Growth, or Career Ambition versus Family Relationships.

Understanding the Couples Compatibility Continuum

Your TDS score is more than just a number—it places you on the Couples Compatibility Continuum. This framework helps you understand the dynamic your score represents, moving from nearly identical priorities to ones that are worlds apart. Remember, the goal isn't a perfect score of zero, but to understand where you are and how to move forward together.

• 0-5 (Symbiotic): You and your partner are exceptionally aligned. Your values are nearly identical, making decisions feel effortless. The risk here is losing individuality. Challenge: Ensure you're both growing as individuals, not just as a unit.
• 6-14 (Harmonious): You share a strong foundation of core values. Disagreements are minor and easily resolved. You navigate life with a shared vision. Challenge: Don't let comfort lead to complacency. Keep checking in as life changes.
• 15-29 (Cooperative): This is the most common range. You are generally aligned but have a few key areas of difference that require active communication and compromise. You function well as a team but need to be intentional about bridging gaps. Challenge: Pinpoint the exact priorities causing friction and address them directly.
• 30-45 (Challenged): Your priorities are significantly different, leading to regular conflict and misunderstanding. You may feel like you're constantly compromising or fighting to be heard. This range requires significant effort to find common ground. Challenge: Commit to empathy and understanding the "why" behind your partner's priorities.
• 46-50 (Polarized): Your worldviews are fundamentally opposed. Almost every major decision is a source of conflict. A score this high suggests a profound values gap that may be difficult to bridge without professional guidance. Challenge: Seek to understand if a shared path forward is possible or if your individual needs are too different to reconcile.

From the Prioritize Us framework:

"The goal isn’t to achieve a perfect TDS. The real value lies in what you do with the information. It’s a starting point for deeper conversations and a guide for balancing your values intentionally, ensuring that both partners feel understood and supported."

Why Do Couples Have Different TDS Scores?

A TDS score is a snapshot of your combined priority maps. These maps are shaped by your unique life experiences, family upbringing, past relationships, and personal values. A high score simply means your life paths have instilled different hierarchies of importance. For example, someone who grew up with financial instability may prioritize Financial Security above all else, while their partner, who had a lonely childhood, may prioritize building strong Family Relationships.

These differences aren't character flaws; they are uncommunicated expectations. The friction arises when these internal maps collide in daily decisions without the context of mutual understanding.

Common Myths About Relationship Scores

Compatibility scores can be powerful, but they are often misunderstood. Let's debunk a few common myths about the TDS score.

• Myth 1: A high score means we're doomed.

  Reality: A high score isn't a sign of failure; it's a call to action. It provides a clear roadmap of where your communication and empathy are needed most. Couples who actively work on their misalignments often build stronger, more resilient bonds than those who never face their differences.

• Myth 2: The score is static and can't be changed.

  Reality: Your priorities (and therefore your TDS score) are dynamic. They can and will change as you navigate different life stages, from career changes to starting a family. The Prioritize Us test is designed to be taken periodically to help you and your partner adapt and grow together, turning "priority drift" into intentional alignment.

• Myth 3: A low score means we don't have to work on our relationship.

  Reality: A low score is a great sign of natural alignment, but it's not a free pass. Life changes, and so do people. Complacency can allow small gaps to widen over time. Continuously checking in, even when things are good, is what keeps a harmonious relationship strong.

Mini Case Example: From Conflict to Clarity

Meet Sarah and Tom. They have a TDS of 38 and feel stuck in a cycle of arguments. Sarah ranks Personal Growth as #1 and Career as #2. Tom ranks Entertainment & Fun as #1 and Health & Wellness as #2.

Their conflict shows up in how they spend their weekends. Sarah wants to take a course or work on her side business, which she sees as investing in their future. Tom wants to go hiking or see friends, which he sees as vital for de-stressing and connecting. Sarah feels Tom is "lazy" and "unambitious," while Tom feels Sarah is "boring" and "all work, no play."

After seeing their TDS score, the narrative shifted. Tom realized Sarah's drive wasn't a rejection of him, but a deep need for self-improvement. Sarah understood that Tom's need for fun wasn't about avoiding responsibility, but about recharging his mental health. They created a new plan: one "growth" weekend a month for Sarah's courses, and one "adventure" weekend a month for Tom's hikes, with the other two balanced. The arguments stopped because the score gave them a shared language to understand the why behind their actions.

Signs Your Priority Alignment Needs Attention

If you haven't taken the test yet, you may recognize these signs of a high TDS score in your relationship:

• You have the same arguments over and over with no resolution.
• You feel misunderstood or lonely, even when you're together.
• You avoid certain topics (like money or in-laws) because you know it will lead to a fight.
• You feel your partner doesn't support your goals or dreams.
• Making future plans feels stressful and overwhelming.
• One or both of you feels consistently resentful.

What to Do This Week

Pick one recurring argument in your relationship. Instead of engaging in the conflict, ask yourself: "What core priority of mine feels ignored or threatened in this situation?" Then, get curious about your partner: "What priority might be driving their perspective?" Don't try to solve it yet. Just practice shifting from blame to curiosity.

Conversation Prompt for Your Partner

"I feel like we've been stuck on [topic of recurring argument] lately. I was reading about how these conflicts are often about a mismatch in priorities, not about who is right or wrong. I'm curious, when we talk about this, what feels most important to you? For me, I think my priority is [your priority]. I want to understand what it is for you."

How the Prioritize Us Test Helps

The Prioritize Us test is the first step to closing the gap your TDS score reveals. It moves you from abstract frustration to concrete data. By taking the 5-minute test, you will:

1. Get Your TDS Score: Instantly see your level of alignment on the Couples Compatibility Continuum.
2. See Your Priority Maps: Visualize exactly where you align and where you diverge across the 10 core life priorities.
3. Unlock Actionable Insights: Receive personalized conversation prompts and guidance to start bridging your biggest gaps.

This isn't just another compatibility quiz. It's a tool for building a more intentional, empathetic, and connected partnership.