A shared sense of purpose can be a powerful anchor in a relationship. But when spiritual priorities don't align, it can lead to disconnection and misunderstanding.

Learn what spirituality in relationships means, how mismatches impact your connection, and how to build a more aligned partnership.

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What is Spirituality and Meaning in a Relationship?

Spirituality and meaning in a relationship refers to the shared beliefs, values, and sense of purpose that a couple cultivates together. This doesn't necessarily mean adhering to a specific religion; it can include a shared worldview, a commitment to personal growth, or a mutual desire to contribute to something larger than yourselves. It’s the framework that gives your partnership a deeper sense of direction and significance.

How Do You Find Meaning in a Relationship?

Finding meaning in a relationship is an ongoing process. It starts with understanding individual purpose and finding where those values overlap. This can be through shared faith, acts of service, or a mutual dedication to growth. The goal is to create a shared culture of purpose that feels authentic to your relationship.

What This Priority Means for Your Relationship

A shared sense of spirituality guides your decisions and deepens your bond, fostering a partnership that moves beyond day-to-day logistics.

Conversely, a lack of alignment in this area can leave a relationship feeling hollow. You might love each other, but without a shared "why," you may feel like you're simply coexisting rather than co-creating a meaningful life. This gap can become a quiet source of loneliness and dissatisfaction.

Why Spiritual Misalignment Happens

Spiritual misalignment often stems from "priority drift." As individuals' beliefs evolve, uncommunicated shifts can create a gap where internal values diverge.

From the Prioritize Us framework:

Misalignment is normal and even expected in long-term relationships. The challenge isn’t having different priorities—it’s learning how to identify, understand, and realign them through open communication and intentional effort.

Signs You Have a Spirituality & Meaning Gap

  • You avoid conversations about your beliefs, values, or the future because they feel tense.
  • You feel lonely or misunderstood, even when you're together.
  • Major life decisions (like how to raise children or spend money) are fraught with conflict because your underlying values differ.
  • You don't feel your partner respects or understands the things that give you a sense of purpose.
  • Your relationship feels more like a practical arrangement than a deeply connected partnership.

The Soulful Connection: When Faith and Partnership Intersect

For many, spirituality is tied to faith. A shared religious framework can be a powerful source of unity, but interpretations can vary. The goal is mutual respect for each other’s spiritual journey, not identical observance.

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Patterns in Spiritual Alignment

Healthy Patterns:

  • Curiosity and Respect: You actively listen to each other's beliefs and spiritual experiences without judgment, even when they differ from your own.
  • Shared Rituals (of any kind): You create your own traditions that foster connection, whether it's attending a religious service, meditating together, or taking a weekly walk in nature to reflect.
  • Support for Individual Journeys: You encourage your partner's personal growth and spiritual exploration, trusting that their journey will ultimately enrich the relationship.
  • Integrated Values: Your shared values are reflected in your daily life—how you treat others, make decisions, and support your community.

Unhealthy Patterns:

  • Judgment or Conversion Attempts: One partner tries to force their beliefs on the other, creating an environment of pressure and resentment.
  • Dismissiveness: Your partner’s spiritual practices or beliefs are treated as silly, unimportant, or a waste of time.
  • Spiritual Bypassing: Using spiritual concepts to avoid dealing with difficult emotional or relational issues (e.g., "Everything happens for a reason" as a way to shut down a conversation).
  • Complete Separation: Your spiritual lives are entirely separate, with no effort to find common ground or understand each other's perspectives.

Mini Case Example: Sarah and Tom

Sarah grew up in a devout family, and while she no longer attended church weekly, her faith remained a core part of her identity. Tom was agnostic and found meaning in science and humanism. Early in their relationship, they avoided the topic. But as they discussed marriage, tension surfaced. Sarah wanted a church wedding; Tom felt it would be hypocritical. The conflict wasn’t about the wedding—it was about their spiritual priority gap.

Using the Prioritize Us framework, they realized they both deeply valued "contributing to something larger than themselves." For Sarah, this was through her faith community. For Tom, it was through volunteering for environmental causes. Instead of focusing on their differences, they started with this shared value. They began volunteering together once a month and agreed to a wedding ceremony that honored Sarah’s faith with a reading from a beloved pastor but was officiated by a neutral party who could speak to their shared humanistic values. They found a way to build a bridge between their worlds.

How This Priority Impacts Your TDS Score

In the Prioritize Us Test, a significant difference in how you and your partner rank the Spirituality priority can increase your Total Difference Score (TDS). A large gap can signal a clash in how you spend time, raise children, and find meaning, and often correlates with feelings of disconnection.

What to Do This Week

Identify one shared value, no matter how small. It could be "honesty," "kindness," "adventure," or "learning." Write it down on a sticky note and put it on your fridge. For one week, make a conscious effort to acknowledge when you see your partner living out that value. This simple act of recognition builds a foundation of shared meaning.

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Conversation Prompt for Deeper Connection

Set aside 20 minutes. Turn off your phones. Take turns answering this question, with the other person just listening:

"Think about a time you felt most fulfilled or 'at peace.' What were you doing, and what about that experience was so meaningful to you? I'm just here to listen and understand."

This conversation isn't about debating beliefs. It's about sharing the emotional core of what gives you each a sense of purpose.

How the Prioritize Us Test Helps

The Prioritize Us Test provides concrete data on where you align and differ on all 10 core priorities, including Spirituality, moving you from guesswork to clarity.

By seeing your priority maps side-by-side, you can:

  • Pinpoint the Gap: Objectively see how far apart your rankings for Spirituality are.
  • Understand the "Why": The results open the door to curious conversations about why you each ranked it the way you did.
  • Build a Bridge: Use the insights to find common ground and create actionable steps for building a more spiritually connected partnership.

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Frequently Asked Questions

What if my partner and I have completely different religions?
This is a common challenge and one that many couples navigate successfully. The key is shifting the focus from "conversion" to "collaboration." Respect for each other's beliefs is non-negotiable. From there, you can explore shared values that transcend specific doctrines, such as compassion, community, and integrity. Our page on different religions in a relationship offers more specific strategies.
Can you have a meaningful relationship without being spiritual?
Absolutely. "Spirituality" and "meaning" are broad terms. A meaningful relationship can be built on a foundation of shared secular values, such as intellectual growth, emotional intimacy, social justice, or creating a safe and loving family. The goal is to be intentional about what gives your partnership purpose, whatever that may be.
My partner used to be spiritual but isn't anymore. What do I do?
This is a form of "priority drift" and requires open, empathetic communication. Avoid making your partner feel judged for their changing beliefs. Instead, get curious. Ask them what led to this shift and what brings them a sense of meaning now. The goal is to understand their new perspective and find new ways to connect on a deeper level, even if the old ways no longer fit.
How can we create shared rituals if we don't share a faith?
Rituals are simply intentional actions that reinforce connection. They don't have to be religious. Your shared rituals could include a weekly "state of the union" meeting, a monthly dinner to try a new recipe, an annual trip, or reading the same book and discussing it.
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