Feeling disconnected from your partner, even when you’re in the same room? You’re not alone. Many couples struggle with unspoken differences in what they value most, leading to arguments that seem to come out of nowhere. The Prioritize Us test is a research-informed tool designed to bridge that gap, helping you and your partner understand each other on a deeper level.

On this page, you’ll discover:

• What the Prioritize Us test is and how it uncovers your unique "priority map."
• How to use your results to spark meaningful conversations instead of arguments.
• A clear, step-by-step path to turn misalignment into intentional teamwork.

What is the Prioritize Us Test?

How Do You Test a Relationship for Compatibility?

Testing a relationship isn’t about passing or failing; it’s about understanding. True compatibility comes from navigating your differences with empathy and intention. The Prioritize Us test provides a structured framework for this process. It moves beyond surface-level quizzes to measure something more fundamental: the alignment of your life priorities. By revealing where your values converge and diverge, it gives you a data-informed map to guide conversations, helping you build a partnership that honors both of your needs.

What the Prioritize Us Test Reveals

The test is more than just a score; it’s a mirror reflecting the unspoken values that drive your daily decisions. It helps you and your partner see, perhaps for the first time, exactly where you align and where you don’t. This isn’t a measure of love or commitment, but a practical tool to understand the "why" behind your conflicts.

When you know that your partner’s focus on Career isn’t a rejection of your need for Quality Time, but a reflection of their deep-seated priority for Safety, empathy replaces frustration. The test transforms abstract feelings of being misunderstood into concrete data points you can discuss calmly and constructively.

From the Prioritize Us framework:

“Most couples don’t argue because they lack love—they argue because they don’t agree on what matters most. It’s not the disagreements themselves that cause lasting damage; it’s the hidden differences in priorities lurking beneath those surface-level arguments.”

Why Misalignment Happens (It’s Not Your Fault)

Couples don’t drift apart overnight. Misalignment is a gradual process called priority drift, where life changes, personal growth, and external pressures cause your values to evolve independently. One partner might become more focused on Health & Wellness after a health scare, while the other is doubling down on their Career to save for the future.

Without regular, intentional conversations, this drift creates gaps. You start feeling like you’re on different teams, even though you’re both working towards what you believe is best. The Prioritize Us test is designed to counteract this drift by creating a dedicated space to check in and realign, turning unintentional separation into conscious, collaborative partnership.

Signs You Need to Take the Test

• You have the same arguments about money, chores, or free time over and over.
• You feel misunderstood or like your partner doesn’t value what’s important to you.
• Decisions about the future, big or small, feel stressful and overwhelming.
• One or both of you feels resentful, but you can’t pinpoint exactly why.
• You love each other, but you feel more like roommates than partners.
• You’re entering a new life stage (marriage, new baby, career change) and want to start on solid ground.

What to Do This Week: The 5-Minute Priority Check-In

Before even taking the test, try this micro-action. Set a timer for five minutes and, without discussion, each of you write down what you believe are your top three life priorities right now. Then, share your lists. Don’t debate or defend—just look. Are they the same? Are they different? This simple exercise can be a powerful first step in recognizing where your focus lies and opening the door to a deeper conversation.

Common Myths About Relationship Tests

Myth 1: A bad score means we’re doomed.

Reality: A high Total Difference Score (TDS) isn’t a failure—it’s an invitation. It signals that you have a valuable opportunity to grow by understanding each other’s perspectives. The most successful couples aren’t those with perfect alignment, but those who are willing to navigate their differences with curiosity and respect. A high score is simply a starting point for that journey.

Myth 2: We’re so different, it’s not even worth trying.

Reality: Differences are not deficits. In fact, partners with different priorities can bring balance and strength to a relationship. The goal of the Prioritize Us test isn’t to make you identical; it’s to help you appreciate and accommodate your differences. An adventurous partner who values Entertainment can bring joy to a security-focused partner who values Finances, and vice-versa. It’s about finding harmony, not homogeneity.

Myth 3: We communicate well, so we don’t need a test.

Reality: Even couples with strong Communication can have blind spots. We often assume our partner knows what we value, but unspoken priorities are a common source of conflict. The test provides a neutral, data-driven framework that can uncover hidden assumptions and validate feelings, making your already-good communication even more effective and targeted.

Mini Case Example: From Financial Fights to Teamwork

The Couple: Sarah and Tom, together for four years.

The Conflict: They were constantly fighting about money. Tom felt Sarah’s spending on travel and dining out was reckless, while Sarah felt Tom’s aggressive saving goals were preventing them from enjoying their lives. The tension was so high that they avoided talking about Finances altogether, leading to Financial Infidelity where Sarah would hide purchases.

The Test Results: Their TDS was 38, with the biggest gaps in Finances and Entertainment. Tom ranked Finances #1 and Entertainment #9. Sarah ranked Entertainment #2 and Finances #8.

The Conversation: Seeing the numbers in black and white was a revelation. Tom explained that his focus on saving wasn’t about controlling Sarah; it was rooted in his priority for Safety after growing up in a financially unstable home. Sarah shared that her desire for experiences wasn’t about being irresponsible; it was her way of prioritizing Growth and making memories. For the first time, they understood the why behind their actions.

The Outcome: They created a new budget that included both a dedicated savings plan (honoring Tom’s need for security) and a “fun fund” for travel and experiences (honoring Sarah’s need for growth). The fights stopped because they were no longer on opposing sides; they were a team working toward a shared plan that respected both of their core priorities.

Beyond the Score: What Your Priority Gaps Really Mean

Your Total Difference Score (TDS) is the headline, but the real story is in the details. A gap in a specific priority isn’t just a number; it’s a window into your partner’s inner world. A 5-point difference in Career might mean one of you is seeking fulfillment while the other is seeking stability. A 7-point gap in Relationships could be about differing needs for social time versus intimate couple time.

Use your results to ask better questions:

• "I see you ranked Health much higher than I did. What does a healthy lifestyle look like to you, and how can I support that?"
• "We both ranked Spirituality low. Does that feel right to you, or is it an area we’ve neglected?"
• "Our biggest gap is in Sex & Intimacy. Can we talk about what that priority means to each of us without judgment?"

These conversations, guided by the test results, are where true alignment is built. It’s not about eliminating the gaps, but about building bridges across them with understanding and empathy.

How the Prioritize Us Test Helps Build a Stronger Relationship

The Prioritize Us test is more than a one-time assessment; it’s the first step in an ongoing practice of intentional alignment. Here’s how it helps:

1. Provides a Neutral Starting Point: The test replaces emotional, accusatory language with objective data. It’s easier to discuss a 6-point gap in Finances than it is to have another fight about spending.
2. Creates a Shared Language: Terms like "TDS," "priority map," and "conflict zones" give you a simple, shared vocabulary to discuss complex emotional dynamics.
3. Tracks Your Growth Over Time: Your priorities will change. Retaking the test annually allows you to track your alignment as you navigate life together, celebrating your growth and proactively addressing any new gaps that emerge.

Conversation Prompt for Your Partner

"I was reading about this thing called the Prioritize Us test. It’s a quick, 5-minute assessment for couples to see how their life priorities line up. It’s not about judging each other, but more about understanding what’s most important to each of us so we can be a better team. I think it could be a really interesting way for us to connect and make sure we’re on the same page. Would you be open to trying it with me?"